


Splitting Butterflies

by Whistlelark



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: FTM Daryl, Homosexuality, Language, M/M, Not Beta Read, Rickyl, Slow Burn, Trans Daryl, female to male
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4913773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whistlelark/pseuds/Whistlelark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind the bars of an otherwise empty jail cell, Daryl Dixon finally lets out his deepest and most closely guarded secret - fearful of what impact it will have on his life. Little does he know, it's the best decision he's ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As a transman myself, It’s pretty common for me to seek out fics focusing on trans characters, and while I’ve run across a few with Daryl Dixon, I’ve been wanting to take a shot at portraying him as an FtM (Female to Male) as well. So here it is, a fic I’ve been wanting to write for goodness knows how long. I really wanted to write something that will hopefully resonate with all types of people, especially my fellow trans brother and sisters. Cheers!

From first glance to last, Daryl Dixon was all broad shoulders and birthmarks. The native born, Georgia man had gotten through life by always fighting tooth and nail for what he needed to survive, even before the outbreak. He’d had the misfortune of being born to a pair of vicious alcoholics, and a brother constantly in and out of juvi. For the majority of his life, he’d been alone; in a bizarre way, the outbreak, and the walkers were the best thing that had ever happened to him. Without them, Daryl never would have learned what a family should really be, nor would he have the band of misfits that had gradually become his entire world.

Not to mention, he wouldn’t have…well…him.

Rick Grimes was without a doubt the most important cog in their machine of a group. He was their leader, their strategist, and their center. Daryl on the other hand had managed to rise himself to the position of Rick’s right hand man, after starting out as the aloof outsider. Months of experiences, struggles, and loses had bound them all together as a makeshift family. Daryl wouldn’t have it any other way, and yet, even family members had secrets among themselves, and Daryl was certainly no exception.

Practiced fingers shook the small glass vial for approximately three seconds, he’d already cleaned the top with a healthy dose of rubbing alcohol that Glen had managed to scavenge for the purpose of cleaning wounds. He then uncapped the clean syringe, placing the top aside before he slide the fresh needle into the rubber stopper, turning the vial upside down, and drawing the plunger down. His dark eyes watched as the barrel of the syringe filled slowly with a pale yellow oily substance. The anticipation was thick in his veins, though he’d done this hundreds of times before hand, and even though getting high wasn’t part of this ritual.

No, this was more important to Daryl than just a momentary buzz, this was his life, and most closely guarded secret. 

Typically, he was so very very good at hiding it too, cautiously getting rid of each piece of evidence, nothing was ever left to give anyone any reason to question him. 

“Daryl, What’re you doing?”

A familiar voice sounded behind him, startling him just enough for him to jerk the needle from the meat of his thigh and subsequently drop it to the ground below, clattering against the floor of the prison cell. Everyone was supposed to have been asleep by now. Why in the Hell was Rick awake, and what in the fuck was he thinking sneaking up on Daryl like that. 

Daryl turned, swiftly tugging his pants back up on his hips, buttoning them together, “The Fuck, Rick?” He hissed, grabbing the bottle up from the edge of the bed and shoving it into one of his pockets, watching in muted horror as Rick bent down and picked up the syringe, the plastic glinting in the pale light filling the prison cell.

“We all have our ways of dealing with what’s going on, but what the Hell are you thinking, Daryl?” Rick held the syringe up, gesturing to it, “What did you just shoot up with?”

Daryl rolled his eyes, “I didn’t shoot up anything,” Did Rick even know anything about junkies? No one took heroin in the leg for Christ’s sake.

“Then what was in the syringe!” Rick hissed, trying to remain as calm and collected as possible for the sake of the others sleeping, but clearly upset at the idea that his trusted man was dealing with a possible drug addiction. How in the Hell would anyone even get a hold of this stuff anymore anyway?

Daryl ground his teeth down, “It’s not heroin or some other shit, so just drop it!” Daryl moved, trying to push his way around Rick. The sheriff dropped the syringe, grabbing onto Daryl’s arms, a brief struggle lapsed before Rick found his back slammed against the cell wall, Daryl bracing an arm against the man’s chest to keep him still, “If I tell you, will you just shut up about it, swear you won’t tell a damned soul?” 

From the look in Daryl’s eyes, Rick could tell the man was desperate, he’d never seen an expression like that on Daryl’s face before, and it made Rick’s muscles relax slightly, his hands slowly releasing their grip on Daryl’s vest. 

“What are you so ashamed about that you’re hiding from us? If you’re dealing with issues, you know that we’re here for you, all of us,” Rick shook his head, having believed that Daryl was finally beginning to trust them. Clearly not.

“Do. You. Swear?” Daryl repeated, words pointed as he pushed his arm forward against Rick’s chest for emphasis. 

Rick grimaced, pulling his hands away from Daryl as he nodded, “I won’t say a word to anyone, this is just between us,” Rick had a way of being persuasive, and Daryl couldn’t help but trust it.

With a reluctant sigh, he released Rick, visibly slumping as he did so, head dropped, “It’s testosterone,” He mumbled quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear just in case someone else within earshot was awake.

“Testosterone?” Rick repeated, clearly confused, “You’re taking steroids?”

Daryl rolled his eyes, “No, it’s not that, and it’s not for what you think it is,” He stood his ground, “They’re hormones…” He looked away, not wanting to see the confusion, or betrayal in Rick’s eyes.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the two of them, Rick clearly processing the information that he’d just received, and obviously not getting it right away, “Daryl…Why exactly are you taking hormones?” Rick’s tone was cautious, and calculated, needing an actual straight forward answer out of their tracker.

With that, Daryl finally snapped, lifting his head defensively as his arms went out to his side, exasperated.

“For fuck’s sake, Rick, I don’t have a dick!”

Rick’s brow furrowed and his mouth hung open in shock, 

“You…don’t… _what?_ ”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this pace, it's not gonna last. Enjoy it while it's here!

Days had passed since the initial conversation that had taken place in the middle of the night. Rick could still recall the musty smell of the jail cell that Daryl had been in, but more than anything else, it was the look in Daryl’s eyes that stuck with him. Tears? Rick hadn’t been sure if he’d seen tears in the man’s…

…Wait,

Daryl said that he didn’t have a…so was he a man? 

He still was, right? He looked like a man, sounded like one, acted like one, not to mention smelled like one. The fact that Daryl had blurted out that he didn’t have a…well…that didn’t change the fact that he was a man. Rick’s right hand man. Right? Things were still the same, weren’t they? To be honest, Rick just wasn’t sure. 

The question nagged at the back of his mind at all hours, and Rick found himself losing sleep over his pondering. As much as he’d wanted his answers questioned during their last conversation, Daryl hadn’t wanted anything more to do with Rick for the night and disappeared God only knew where. Rick on the other hand, had been so awestruck, so caught off guard, that he didn’t have the heart to pursue the man any further. 

Things would have been less complicated if Daryl had been a junkie, but instead he was…something else.

Just like Daryl had feared, things had changed between them, and all it took was a few words. 

They’d been avoiding each other, awkward when standing too close, or even so much as making eye contact. The strain between them was palpable. But Rick still couldn’t force himself to question Daryl any further on their…discussion.

Unfortunately, the tension did not go unnoticed.

Rick was beyond the safety of the prison walls, scouting the perimeter of the fence for walkers. Rather, that’s what he said he was doing, but more than anything, he really just needed to think. 

_‘I don’t have a dick!’_

Daryl’s reluctant declaration echoed through his head like church bells.

So Daryl was…what exactly? Rick pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, dropping his head as the cogs in his turned to no avail. He just wanted to understand. He was so deep in thought, in contemplation that he didn’t notice the footsteps (Or footstep?) approaching him. Only when a shadow was being cast over his face did he lift his head, finding Hershel before him, the man’s face clearly showing concern. 

“How’s it looking out here?” Hershel cast his eyes to the woods surrounding the prison as he adjusted his grip on his crutches.

Rick finally blinked himself back to attention, “There’s been a few stragglers here and there, nothing much today,” 

“So if that’s not what’s troubling you, what is it, Rick?” Hershel prodded, highly intuitive as he always was.

“Who says I’m troubled?” Rick questioned as he moved, beginning to walk along the length of the fence again, hoping that Hershel would give up then and there.

“No one says it,” Hershel mentioned casually, “When you get as old as I am, you just know things about a person,” He sighed, following along behind Rick, getting very capable with his crutches, moving about on them as if he’d been using them for years, “Either way, you do seem distracted lately,” A paused, “Did something happen between you and Daryl? You two get in an argument?”

Rick’s footsteps faltered and he came to a stop, turning on his heels to stare Hershel in the eye, “Nothing happened,” Rick said flatly.

“Come on now, you two have been avoiding each other for days, and every time he steps into the same room as you, you clam right up and act like a shy school-girl,” Hershel insisted, and Rick dug his heels into the ground looking for a white lie that wouldn’t do any harm.

“We had a private discussion, and I’d rather keep it that way,” Rick settled on.

Hershel lifted a brow, “Alright, you do what you need to do then, unless the both of you let this get in the way of working together. You know how I feel when it comes to the safety of everyone in the group, and not just my daughters,” He said firmly, but calmly in that way that clearly took years to master, “Whatever it is, you two are grown men, and I’ll respect you enough to let you handle your own business. The others are worried though, you know,” He mentioned, nodding his head, “You just say the word if you need anything,”

Rick bowed his head slightly, “Thank you, Hershel, and if you would, I’d rather you not saying anything to the others about this – just go about business as usual, alright? Hershel agreed, and hobbled back up to the prison, leaving Rick to once again stare dismally out towards the thicket of trees.

Perhaps it was time for him and Daryl to have another heart to heart after all.

Rick couldn’t quell the feeling that Daryl wouldn’t be happy about it, but they’d have to face this sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, apparently, the chapters are going to end up very short in this fic. I usually prefer longer chapters, but it feels like it’s easier to crank them out when they’re a little shorter, y’know, if I’m not writing 5,000 words per chapter. So, I guess this is what you can expect from this fic. Also, I know this chapter is a little bland, but I really just wanted to touch on Rick’s feelings for a while, to focus on him processing the news and such. And finally, Hershel, because I miss him O^O Ehn. Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! There’s already been so many of you reading along, and I just wanted to thank all of your for taking the time to read this! It really means a lot to me! Your support is awesome and it certainly helps keep me going! You're all so amazing!!

While it was true that Daryl was slowly becoming more open with the others around him, the fact of the matter was that at heart, he was still a lone wolf. He was just so accustomed to being on his own for so long, having no one to rely on but himself – and occasionally his older brother, Merle. It made things like this hard to process. Daryl didn’t share his feelings, he just pushed them down, buried them until they suffocated. So it when it came to processing his emotions, he found that being along was best, he just needed time. To do what exactly? He wasn’t really sure. 

He didn’t know what to do at this point. 

Go to Rick, tell him that he’d been drunk, or that he’d been lying and that he really was shooting up with some kind of hard drug? Hell, Rick thinking that he was some kind of addict would have been better than Rick knowing that he was a…God, Daryl didn’t even want to think about it. 

He was sitting in the guard tower, letting his back rest against the chair, fingers laced in his hair, supporting his head as he craned it back and stared at the ceiling. His stomach had been in knots since the last time that he’d spoken with Rick. Normally, he didn’t give two shits about what anyone thought of him. But when it came to Rick…

Was Rick disgusted with him? Think he was a freak? Would he feel that Daryl had been lying to him? Living a double life? Would he mistrust him after this, thinking that Daryl had kept other things from him as well? Hell, did Rick even understand exactly what Daryl had hissed out at him? 

Daryl knew he wasn’t exactly ‘normal,’ He was a man, but he wasn’t like other men, and in the eyes of certain people he would never be a ‘real’ man. Fuck, that thought made him livid. What right did anyone have to say if he was a ‘real’ man or not? That was for him to say, to Hell with what the world thought. To Hell with what Rick thought! Daryl swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he tried to convince himself that he didn’t care what Rick thought of him.

He jolted in his seat when he heard the soft clack of the door just a few feet from him, reflexively his hands went to his crossbow, however, when he turned and saw who was standing there, he completely froze.

Speak of the fucking Devil. Rick. Dammit.

Daryl tensed, drawing his arms back in and folding them across his chest, propping a foot on the desk in front of him, trying to act like he wasn’t on edge just from being in the same room as Rick.

Rick only closed the door behind him, “We really need to talk this over,” He needed to remain calm, and level-headed, they needed to get this completely out in the open.

“What else is there to talk about? I already told you why I was taking that,” Daryl referred to the testosterone that Rick had caught him shooting into his thigh. 

“And you’re just gonna leave it at that?” Rick prodded.

“Why should I tell you anything else about it? It’s none of your damned business!” Daryl snapped, clearly defensive.

“Daryl,” Rick moved, leaning himself against the desk where Daryl’s feet were propped up, “I’m not trying to invade your priva…”

“Then don’t!” Daryl jolted upright, feet slamming onto the floor as he sat up, hands on his knees.

Rick sighed, “Look, I know that you don’t want to talk about this, and I’m not going to force it. Just hear me out,” Rick could see the tension in Daryl’s jaw, “Whatever you meant by that, whatever you’re going through, or have been through…if you need to talk it out, get something off your chest; you know that I’m here to listen,” Rick’s words were deliberate, sincere, and made something in Daryl’s chest clench. 

The bowman in question rolled his eyes away, scoffing, “There ain’t nothing I need to get out,” Daryl was trying so hard to be stubborn, but when Rick pushed away from the table and placed a reassuring hand on Daryl’s shoulder, he felt his resolve wilting. As Rick moved to the door, Daryl turned in the seat, watching him the whole time, telling himself that he didn’t care, that he wanted Rick to leave. His ears perked at the sound of the door handle turning, and before he knew what he was doing, he felt his lips parting and forming words on their own accord, “I was eighteen...When I started the testosterone,” Rick turned slowly to eye Daryl once again, prepared to not do a single thing to interrupt Daryl, “I’d been on hormone blockers since I was fifteen – I knew a guy who had connections to a doctor, could have gotten me anything if I asked for it,” Daryl glanced up, eyeing the fascinated look on Rick’s face, “I’m trans, Rick,” He stated flatly, “The hormone blockers were the beginning of my transition,” He glanced away, “My sex change,” He figured that was a little more forward, a little more blunt. Maybe it would actually sink in this time around. 

“You’re…” Rick was clearly trying to process this, but he didn’t look angry or upset, he looked perplexed, “…Becoming a woman? That’s why you don’t have…But you don’t look like a…” Rick obviously didn’t know what to think of this.

Daryl groaned and pressed his palm against his forehead, “No, I’m going the other way,” 

Rick’s eyes widened just a fraction, “So you were born…a girl then?” Rick tried to choose his words carefully. 

Daryl sighed, turning his sights back out the window. He didn’t even want to say it out loud, he just nodded instead, “With the full package,” He sighed, sounding disgusted with himself, “Got my top surgery when I was twenty, still have the scars,” It was only in that moment that Rick realized he’d never seen Daryl without a shirt, he’d probably been consciously hiding the scars all this time, “When the outbreak hit, I was tryin’ to save up for a hysto,” He shrugged his shoulder, “But that’s never gonna happen now,” 

Rick blinked quickly. Just the idea of thinking of Daryl with a…a womb; a uterus, ovaries, a vagina, the whole shebang, it was…it was just so different. It’s not like he spent time thinking about what sexual organs other people had, but when you met someone, you just assumed one way of the other. It was just so…so foreign to him, and he didn’t quite know how to react. 

“But I guess it doesn’t matter much anyway,” Daryl continued on, a little surprised how easy this was to talk about once he got going, “I’ve been on the T for so long that it’s pretty much shut everything down…down there,” He looked thoughtful at this head tipping slightly to the side, “Well, is that it?” Daryl glanced back at Rick, “Your curiosity satisfied yet? Or are you going to ask me how big my fuckin’ clit is?”

Rick practically choked on his breath, “No, I wasn’t going to, Daryl…you don’t have to be so defensive around me,” Rick took a few steps closer, “All of this, it doesn’t change anything, you’re still Daryl, and I still trust you with my life, Carl’s, and every other person here,” Reassuring Daryl was going to be harder than he thought, “And no one else is going to know about this unless you’re the one to tell them. You know I wouldn’t do something like that to you, I have no right,”

“Better be damned sure you don’t,” Daryl tossed back, likely more from reflex than anything else. 

Rick pursed his lips together for a moment, “So no one else knows?” 

Daryl shook his head, “No one beyond Merle, Mom, Dad, and the guy who got my drugs,” He shrugged, “It’s not something I just go around and tell everyone,” Daryl relaxed back into his chair just a bit, “People…they treat you different, when they find out, even if they don’t mean to. They start using the wrong pronoun on accident, even if they didn’t know you before, they think they can ask you whatever the Hell they want about your junk, ask how you fuck someone,” Daryl let out a breath, the fringe of his hair fluttering gently, “Once they find out, they think it’s fine to treat you like something less than human, Hell, most people treat you lower than a Walker once they catch wind of it,” 

Rick found his chest tightening at the thought, “And your parents?” 

Daryl snorted, “Fuck, I thought they beat Merle and I plenty before, once they found my blockers, dad beat the shit of me and threw me out. Said I should go turn tricks if I wanted a cock so bad,” Little did his father know what Daryl had had to resort to in order to pay for his first surgery. Getting rid of his breasts had cost so much more than just the hospital fees, “Mom encouraged him, she started wailing because her ‘little girl,’ was betraying her, As if she even gave a damn about me before I started growing facial hair,” He said in a surprisingly casual manner. Daryl didn’t seem phased at all by how rough his own upbringing had been, how his parents had rejected him, threw him out like trash. He couldn’t imagine going through something like that, his own parents had always been warm and encouraging.  
“Jesus, Daryl…” Rick really didn’t know what to say, but the look in his eyes told Daryl that he felt bad for him.

“Don’t you start getting mushy on me. That’s exactly why I don’t tell anyone,” Daryl said pointedly, “There’s no point in feeling bad about what’s done and over with. I was better off without them anyway,” Based on what he’d heard about Daryl’s parents so far, Rick was inclined to agree, “And remember, you say a damned thing to anybody, and I take you out,” He threated, although, it didn’t come across as threatening as Daryl probably wanted to.

“Right, not a word,” Rick swore before he leaned forward, “You’re a good man, Daryl, means a lot that you trusted me enough to tell me that…” he said sincerely, and in a tone that had Daryl’s features lighting up softly with heat.

“Yeah yeah, I’m gonna go down and see if Hershel needs any help with anything,” Daryl muttered quickly, fleeing from the guard tower before Rick got a chance to notice the color in his cheeks.

Rick only stood there, giving a soft one sided smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I was not expecting to crank out three chapters in one night.   
> I guess we'll see what happens from here.   
> Comments are always loved and cherished!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rick catches a peek. That is all.

The following day, early morning, just as the sun began to break through the trees, Daryl snuck away. He slipped through a hole in their defenses, and made his way to the river where him and the others often bathed. But of course, Daryl always avoided communal bath situations. He was always careful, always took care of himself early in the morning, going out at night was too risky – for anyone, even him. 

Closing his eyes, Daryl passed his hands through his hair. There was a time where he used to care about keeping his hair short, being surprisingly methodical about it, not wanting to know if people would misgender him if his hair became too long. Luckily for him though, he’d been far enough in his transition when the world started going to Hell that even he if wore a dress, he wouldn’t look anything like a girl. Thank god for that. 

But despite the surgery, despite the hormones, the facial hair, despite changing his name, he knew that his past was never going to be fully erased. What he wouldn’t give to just wash it all away, just like the dirt on his flesh that was sopping off into the cool waters of the river that was lapping just below his navel. He took a step further into the depth of the river, not wanting to glance down and see…or rather…not see, what always felt like it was missing.   
Cupping his hands into the water, he brought the handful to his face, splashing it over his cheekbones and sighing, droplets of clear water sticking to his lashes. It was these times that he hated the most, not the being alone bit – he liked that, but having to strip. Bathing, and changing clothes eventually became the most painful times of his everyday life. Jokes were often made in regards to his hygiene – even in the apocalypse, the others kept themselves cleaner than he did. But he didn’t hold any ill will towards them, they didn’t know. How could any of them know what it was like for him to have to glance at himself while he was disrobing? Seeing the jagged, imperfect scars across his chest, making it look like someone had tried to gut him like a fish. Or what was worse, glancing down between his own thighs to be met only with a feminine mound resting there as though it were continuously taunting him. Even the organs sitting inside him bothered him, just knowing that they were there – even if the menstrual cycles had stopped years ago. Sure, that helped, but every time he so much as recalled the part inside of him, he felt himself get a bit sick. Sometimes, he would have given anything to let a walker at his gut, to let one of the dead rip open his lower abdomen to let every piece that shouldn’t have been there fall out, he would have been glad to see them spill to the ground.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a twig snapping, and Daryl’s ears perked. 

“Dammit,” The sound came out of his mouth not even a whisper as his eyes snapped open and his hands pulled themselves out of his hair. His eyes turned, glancing at the crossbow that he’d placed on a large boulder just beside the river, knowing that if anything happened, he could get to it in time. Slowly, his feet moved under the water, not wanting to add extra noise. No one could know he was here, not like this, not a walker, and not another human. No one. 

Daryl’s fingers finally grazed over the smooth exterior of the crossbow, hoisting it up and into position while he kept his stance in the river. His eye narrowed, focusing on the area of the sound. Footsteps. Closer. Closer. A rusting branch, and then.

“Fucking,” Daryl instantly sunk further into the river, chest deep, purely from reflex, “Rick, what the Hell, man,” Daryl hissed out, rolling his eyes as he practically tossed his crossbow off to the side, the weapon clattering into the dirt. 

“Daryl, What’re you doing out here so early?” Rick had already stripped off his shirt, carrying it over one arm.

“Ain’t it obvious?” Daryl waved out an arm.

Rick on the other hand had nearly stumbled in his steps at just the sight of Daryl in the river, he’d never once seen Daryl bathe. Granted, after the other day, he knew why now, “Hey, man, I didn’t know you were out here, You finish up, I’ll be back when you’re done,” Rick wanted to make sure that Daryl still respected him, his privacy, and himself as a man.

“Rick, fuck, you don’t need to go,” Daryl called out as Rick turned his back to head back to the prison, “You might as well stay, y’know, since you know and all,” Granted, it was still an uncomfortable situation for Daryl. But the bowman was almost finished anyway, so what was the harm?

“You’re sure?” Rick was perplexed, and the shape of his eyebrow confirmed it, “I don’t mind waiting,”

Daryl let out a breath, “Come on, River’s big enough for at least the two of us,” Daryl urged, turning his eyes away when Rick obliged and finished stripping himself down. Daryl didn’t lift his eyes back up until he saw the ripples that Rick made in the water, the man settling several feet from him. 

“You change your mind and want me to go back, you let me know, Daryl?” Rick began smoothing clean water over his arms.

“For fuck’s sake, Rick, you don’t have to be so damned careful around me,” Daryl shot out, following with a heavy sigh, “I can handle it, so long as no one else comes up here,” 

For a few moments, they fell silent, nothing but the sound of the flowing rivers and rustling tree around them. Rick couldn’t help but eye Daryl here and there, he wasn’t trying to be disrespectful, but he was…fascinated. Everything from Daryl’s chiseled jaw, the Adam’s apple, his arms, his stance, mannerisms, everything about him…Rick never would have seen him as anything than just another regular man if he hadn’t walked in on Daryl’s little secret. It blew him away in a sense, knowing that this man was born…as a girl. Rick couldn’t help the way that his eyes momentarily dropped downward, below the surface of the water. 

He couldn’t see clearly, obviously, but just the idea of Daryl having a…well…or rather, not having a…

They were both men, brothers in arms. With completely different anatomy.

“If you’re gonna take a look, just get it over with,” Daryl grunted, noticing Rick’s wandering eyes.

“I didn’t mean…” Rick interjected, lifting his eyes to Daryl’s face.

Daryl shrugged a shoulder, again running his hands through his hair, wringing out the dirt, “When people find out, they all wanna see it,” He rolled his eyes, “Like I belong in some kind of circus sideshow,” he huffed, “But you seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all,” 

Rick swallowed, not expecting Daryl to just stand there, casually referring to his…Rick didn’t know what he should have called it. He shouldn’t be calling it anything at all! So instead, he glanced at Daryl’s chest instead, scars being stretched taut from the way that Daryl’s arms were lifted, “Those from the surgery?” He inquired.

Daryl looked down, glancing at his own chest and drawing a breath, “Yeah, I didn’t get the best doctor to do it, didn’t have a lot of cash,” He shrugged, “Usually costs around fifteen grand, only had nine…we worked out an…agreement,” Daryl left it vague, not wanting to recall the details, “Got a bad infection after though, doc had to slice me back open to clear it out,” He moved a hand down, letting his fingertips coast over the rough misshapen scars just under where his breastline had originally been, “They’ll never fade all the way, But they look better than they did,”

At the story, Rick grimaced, and asked something that he probably shouldn’t have, “What kind of agreement, Daryl?” Rick’s gaze became tense, and it was clear that he already had a guess or two in his mind, but Daryl wouldn’t have any of that.

“Nothing, Rick, Just…don’t, a’right?” Daryl turned his head away, “It doesn’t matter what it was, point is, I learned my lesson…I got what I paid for, which wasn’t much,”

Rick couldn’t seem to swallow the lump in his throat. Was it possible that Daryl had had to…had he been propositioned in order to get his surgery? Jesus Christ. If Rick thought there was any possibility of that person still being alive today, he would have hunted him down and put a bullet in his brain. To take advantage of someone like…But then again, is that even what happened? There was a chance, a slim one, that maybe Rick was jumping to crazy conclusions. Regardless, Daryl was a part of his family now, and Rick was protective of his family, each and every one of them. Even if Daryl stubbornly pushed away his help half of the time.

Daryl didn’t know how much longer he could take this, “I’m gonna get out of here,” Daryl turned, making his way back towards the riverbank. Rick swallowed when Daryl stepped out of the water, rivulets of river water cascading down his back, down his legs. Quickly, Rick averted his gaze as Daryl bent down to pick up his crossbow. He got dressed, still facing away from Rick, “I’ll let Lori know where you are, bet she’ll be worried if you’re not there when she’s up,” Daryl grunted before Rick even had a chance to say another word. 

Instead, Rick just tried to clear his head, trying not to think about the sight of Daryl’s backside. Every angle, every joint, Hell, even every vein didn’t look like they ever belonged to a female body, and yet…Rick knew the truth now, Having caught just the slightest glance of the one thing that Daryl had been hiding from them all this time. If Rick had any thought that this was some kind of complicated practical joke, he knew for sure now that it wasn’t, not after catching sight of those feminine lips between Daryl’s legs. 

Jesus…Rick could only douse his face in cold water. What in the Hell was he supposed to think about this situation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Feedback, and Constructive Criticism is always loved!


End file.
